Attention New Moms: Overcoming a Negative Body Image in Bed

Posted on 27 September 2009

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Carson Kressley has hit a nerve. Maybe that’s why his Lifetime television program, How to Look Good Naked, is one of the most popular reality shows on television. Most women are terribly insecure with their bodies in bathing suits, let alone naked.

While I watched his interview on Oprah, I couldn’t help but think of new moms. Staring at one’s baby pooch can be flat out depressing, squelching any kind of desire to get naked with one’s husband. Yet it’s still important to re-engage sexually with your husband. And a big part of that is about overcoming a negative body image in bed.

In their excellent book, Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex, authors Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintus have a chapter titled, “Where Can I Go to Buy a New Body?” Can you relate? They asked 25 friends of their friends if they were satisfied with their bodies. Every single one of them said no. They claimed to be too tall or too short, too fat or too skinny.

Today’s woman has bought into the lie that she has to look like a Victoria Secret model to be sexy. But being a great lover in bed has more to do with your attitude than your measurements.

So what can a new mother do to overcome her disdain for her body, and celebrate lovemaking with her husband, even if the lights are on?

1. Remember that your husband loves you and your body. Dr. John Gray, author of Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, says “When a man is in love and turned on by his wife, he is also totally entranced by the feminine beauty of her body, regardless of where the media would rank it on a scale of one to ten.”

2. Change your attitude from “me centered” to “he centered.” Put your husband first. Don’t fixate on your insecurities. Instead think of how you can please him. When you take the spotlight off yourself and put it on your spouse, you forget about your imperfections.

3. Avoid the dangers of pornography. 40 million adults in the US regularly visit Internet porn sites. Pornography is a major problem in families today, dividing husbands and wives sexually and emotionally. Moms, don’t allow your insecurity about your body to stand in the way of meeting your husband’s sexual needs.

When you offer your body to your spouse out of love, it doesn’t matter what shape or size you are. Be encouraged – it is possible to be sexy in bed after baby. And don’t worry about the extra love handles. They will come off in time with some work on your part. For now, concentrate on your attitude. Don’t be afraid to keep the lights on and get naked with your husband.